So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
