I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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