He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
