If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
