It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
