Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
