i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
