i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
