i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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