I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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