your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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