Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
