Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize