quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
