evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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