Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
