my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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