I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
