I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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