Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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