Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
