my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
