she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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