I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
