Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
