He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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