Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
