His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
