The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
