Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
