Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
