rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
