Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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