I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
