is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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