You smell like stripper and shame
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
