he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
