Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize