Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
