i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
