I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize