ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
