Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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