Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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