he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
