dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
