You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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