I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
