nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
