he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
