Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
