A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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