i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
