you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
