ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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