In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize