I bet he comes in French.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
