i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
