The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
