didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mom said you looked used
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
