Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
