weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
