Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
