Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
