She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
