just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize