Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize