I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
