I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
