So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
