I think my vagina is haunted
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
