You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
