u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
